So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
