Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
