She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
