I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
