dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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