he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
