my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
