Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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