I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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