I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
