Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
