Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's like iHOP with fire
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
