Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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