Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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