I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
