JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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