We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
