how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
