it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize