Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
