I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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