The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Bring me that man meat
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
