Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize