I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
