I am in a vortex of obligation.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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