Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
