So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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