I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
