I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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