So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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