I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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