Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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