Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
