your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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