Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
