You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
