She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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