C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
