I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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