So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
