Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
