Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
