I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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