just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
