sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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