dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
