Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
