I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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