We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
