I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
