ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A bitchslap is in order.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize