Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
