Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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