I must be too annoying 4 u.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize