Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
