Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
