Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
