The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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