I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
