I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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