I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
