First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
