I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
