All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
id be glad to
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
