Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
