Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
