I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
