It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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