dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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