Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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