We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
