dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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