respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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