last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
