Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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