i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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