ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize