I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
