is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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