Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
