i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
