Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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