she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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