Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
