I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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