Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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