i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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