woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
